Shopping in Hell


Look! A Sale!

I suppose we got off lightly in the end. Our final tally was three baseball bats, a golf club, two snowboards and a pair of crutches. I suppose it could have been much worse. We narrowly missed ending up with a recliner and an ancient typewriter (for Grandpa) as well.

Luckily I was there to head off the typewriter acquisition. Ever since we got Grandpa a computer, my children seem to think that he is a collector of anything with a keyboard attached. If you haven’t guessed already, there was a village-wide garage sale here this weekend. One of my children is an inveterate bargain hunter and ever since he spied the first “sale” sign last Thursday, he has been itching to get out there and see what treasures he can find.

As soon as he awoke this morning, he jumped out of bed and headed out on his bike with a pocketful of change. “He’s on a bike” I thought, “He won’t be able to buy anything big”. Unfortunately the first thing he bought was a big bag, and he managed to fit a golf club in it. Feeling sorry for him, I agreed to drive him to some sales that were a little further from our house. There were plenty to choose from. I drove and he scoped out the sidewalk displays and directed me when to stop. “Oooh …I like those” he cried at one point, craning his neck to stare longingly at something in the yard of a house we had just passed. I stopped the car and he hopped out and ran back to the sale. “He’s got $3 left” I thought, “He can’t do too much damage”, so since it was far too hot outside, I lazily waited in the car. Three seconds later he returned with a pair of crutches. “Crutches???” I asked incredulously. “Are you planning to break a bone soon?” He had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. “Well..”, he said “They were reasonably priced”.

On the plus side, he was so happy with the crutches that he agreed to go home. When we got there we discovered that his brother, inspired to envy by the golf club, had gone bargain hunting himself and acquired three ancient baseball bats. He only bought one, but when he was carrying it home he had the bad luck to bump into an opportunistic old man who foisted two more on him “Wait here” said the old man, running into his house to get the bats “Take these as well, I’ve been trying to get rid of them for ages”. Nice.

I think I’m going to have to have a garage sale myself next year. Anyone need crutches—or a putter in excellent decent condition?

4 thoughts on “Shopping in Hell

  1. Well, you didn’t end up with the half pipe. But, secretly I think he might have been preparing for the half pipe purchase by acquiring the crutches…

  2. Yes– thankfully we were able to avoid getting the half-pipe, although he did mutter “I really wish we could get that” as we sped past it.

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