Andy Rooney, the curmudgeon king of the random observation, retired from Sixty Minutes, giving his final commentary on this show last week. So, in honor of his storied career, I would like to make a few random observations of my own. For instance, did you ever notice how, when you are running short of something that you need to finish a project, say the bottom of the flour canister is in view and you haven’t sifted the full amount the recipe requires, you tend to work faster? When I am running short on yarn, I knit faster. I have no idea why I do this or what I think that I am accomplishing by this furious and fast clacking of needles. It’s like there is some involuntary part of my brain that thinks if I knit fast enough I can finish before I run out of yarn. Logically of course, this makes no sense, and I know it. I will run out of yarn when I run out of yarn. Knitting faster will not make the yarn go further, but all the logic in the world doesn’t matter. If I am running short on yarn, I knit at a furious panicked pace.
Did you ever notice that spammers are amazing at giving compliments? The spam comments on my blog are a great place to go when I need to feel good about myself. Take this comment for instance: “Wow! Just legendary! Your publishing manner is pleasing and the way you dealt the subject with grace is admirable. I am intrigued; I presume you are an expert on this topic.” Such flattery! I would so love to publish these spam comments on my blog, but inevitably they link to malicious web sites or sites that offer services that I just don’t want available from a comment link on my family-oriented blog. I think the lesson here is that such unadulterated, sticky flattery usually disguises subterfuge and danger.
Did you ever notice that an awful lot of people are interested in “purple food”? No probably not, you might not notice this unless you have a blog entry in which you specifically use the phrase “purple food.” When I look at the search terms that have led people to my blog, “purple food” tops the list, every week. I can’t imagine why so many people are interested in purple food. Perhaps they are trying to plate a colorful dish. Perhaps they are frustrated parents of children who will only eat purple food. Perhaps they are trying to remember the name of that purple vegetable that they absolutely cannot stand. I don’t know, but these people find my blog and the story about my daughter and the purple eggplant. Hopefully they find the blog entertaining, if not useful; it contains no recipe for the preparation of eggplant. We don’t eat eggplant at our house; we just know that it is a purple vegetable.
Finally, did you ever notice the way a child can completely discombobulate a parent? Grandma and Papa were over for a visit this weekend, and we sat down to a lunch of make-your-own sandwiches. My daughter when asked what kind of cheese she wanted on her sandwich said, “the kind with the holes in it.” I then asked her if she knew what that kind of cheese is called, and she replied, “Yes, Swish cheese.” We all had a good laugh of course, but the long-term consequence of her mispronunciation is that I am no longer capable of saying “Swiss cheese.” Every time I try to say it, it comes out “Swish.” I’m hosed.
So here I am, at the end of my article, completely discombobulated and unable to ask for a slice of apple with swish, I mean Swiss, cheese.
© 2011 Michele Arduengo. All rights reserved.